I m going to be fired. It still amazes me that I was able to hang on to this job for all these years. The company that had sucked the blood out of me slowly is washing its hands of me. Corporate re-structure was the name given, yet the cruelty is hidden in the numbers that they throw at us in the meetings.
800+ livelihoods disrupted but hey…….. they are saving $150 million. So there is that.
Somewhere along the announcement was born the other me. Let’s call her “The Reckless One”. Now she is the exact opposite of this me “The Sensible One”.
While the Sensible wants to start looking for work, keep calm and carry on, the Reckless wants an 180 change.
Reckless – Get out of this rut…. Don’t go back to the being stuck in a cube. Do something. Anything. Follow your heart and dont stop for anyone.
Sensible is appalled – I cant do that. I need financial independence. Can’t imagine depending on anyone for money or things. I have responsibilities, bills to pay and a home to take care of.
Reckless laughed mockingly – You say you are unhappy. If you dont look, you can’t find, can you ?
Sensible nodded her head – Yes. But I need structure in my life. Be organized, be prepared and be on time. I would be lost with that.
What are you now? said Reckless – You have been lost for a long time. You just didn’t know it.
Sensible sighed. – Everyone seems to know what they want to do, what they want to be, except me. Everyone fits somewhere. But I just cant seem to fit in anywhere. I m still searching. Still looking. and I m tired…
Reckless snuggled closer – Come on don’t be down. I just wish for once you would do something that you want and Damn the consequences.
With a mirthless laugh Sensible looked at her – I did that and look where it landed me. I m now even more a prisoner than before. I shouldn’t have done it and now all is lost….
Reckless said – I wish I was a bird. Oh yes. I envy that freedom. To simply fly away wherever the wind takes me. And to know that when I land it would be my place, my time.
Sensible – But you have to live in the present dont you ? You have to apply yourself to pay attention. You cant keep drifting away. Focus on your career, get a job and put your mark on this world. You can’t be a failure.
Reckless bristled with anger – Yes, work hard, pay attention, be responsible, be practical and also be miserable. You are dying inside slowly and you dont even know it. for once throw caution to the wind. Reach for your dreams and see how much more there is to life. They have done all they could to stifle you. Why is it people always so desperately mold another into their vision, their way ? You should do what pleases you. Life is too short to live by other’s rules.
Sensible went silent…
She then looked at Reckless with tears in her eyes and asked ” How ?”